Dear Mr. President,
On the eve of your status as a lame duck, I’d like to take this moment to apologize to you, personally.
I haven’t always been a fan, and truth told, I voted against you. Twice. I’ve been a Republican my entire voting life (20 years!) and as a believer in smaller government, the idea of a community organizer and socialist(?) in the White House, didn’t sit well with me. Still doesn’t, if I’m being honest. Though I don’t think of you as only those two things any longer.
I was angry at a number of things you said and did while in office. I didn’t care for the “You didn’t build that” moment. Oh man, and the “bitter clingers” speech! And the idea of getting to a single payer system, particularly, sent me into hysterics. They were all anathema to my views on what a President should believe, and I didn’t hesitate in letting my displeasure be known. In fact, I think I even sent an email to the whitehouse.gov email address stating something about you being a commie – but that was back in ’08. I’m sure you saw it.
Needless to say, my words in regards to your; beliefs, actions, words, and general existence, have been far from glowing. However, now that we stand on the precipice of an election which is surely going to send us all to the bowels of hell, regardless of who wins, I can’t help but reflect on your performance over these past eight years. I’m sure you’ve been waiting with baited breath.
First, I’d like to apologize for being generally shitty towards you. Yeah, I’m not proud of it. I get these timehop things in my Facebook feed and I’ve seen comments I’ve made over the years and I really wish I could take them back. Not all of them, mind you. But enough of them.
I’m proud to call you my President, and I’m proud of how you’ve handled yourself in office these past eight years. I haven’t agreed (obviously) with the majority of your choices or words, but I do respect how you’ve handled yourself. And for that, I’m grateful.
Far too often I think we’re truly awful to one another in the pursuit of partisan agendas. It’s easy to dismiss those who disagree with us and even easier to demonize them – not just “the other” but those directly opposed to our way of thinking. When we see and hear others demonizing us, it becomes even easier to return the favor – even to those that never did it to us in the first place.
Case in point, it sucks to repeatedly hear that you’re racist just for being a Republican. Please know, none of my negative views towards you stemmed from your being black. I love black people. Not in the “Jerry Maguire” way in which Cuba Gooding Jr. makes Tom Cruise say it, but genuinely, as I love all people. Except Muslims.
Sorry, that was a joke. I couldn’t resist. I have no issue with Muslims, but I wouldn’t mind if everyone on earth decided to become atheist. But I digress…
In the spirit of being fully honest, possibly my biggest gripe with you (and you know this) is that you’re so damn cool. No one has any business being that cool. Especially not a politician. No Republican has ever been that cool. Hell, most rock stars aren’t that cool. Do you know how infuriating that is? It’s like Shaq walking into a middle school gym – it’s just not fair. You are literally the other side of the pillow.
Please know, I haven’t switched sides. I believe there’s no smaller minority than the individual. I loathe collectivism with the fire of a thousand suns. I think free markets and free people are the best solutions to virtually every problem we face. But I don’t think you’re a bad guy.
I think you’ve been a phenomenal President and have honored the office far better than most people. God knows I would have been impeached within weeks if I had the gig, so my hats off to you. How you kept from mooning the press corps from the Truman balcony, I have no idea – or maybe you’re saving that for your last day in office? Well played, sir.
Finally, thanks for your sacrifice – because the Presidency is a massive sacrifice. I think we forget that. You don’t belong to you or your family, you belong to the American People for four or eight years. Every decision you make is going to piss off half of them, on any given day. For that, you deserve all of our thanks and appreciation.
If there’s anything I can do for you, maybe a letter of recommendation for your next job (I’m really good at those), please don’t hesitate to let me know.
With all of my sincere love and thanks,
P.S. I’m still pissed about ObamaCare, but what’s done is done – we don’t have to talk about it.