Why are we yelling?

I came across this clip the other day and my chest about caved in.

I have two teenage sons and on rare occasions, something happens in the house that seems (in my brain or theirs) to require the volume to be turned up to break through. I hate it.

Our hearts aren’t connected in those moments. We’re not communicating with each other, at least not effectively. We’re not on the same page or even the same book.

I’ve been close to people, spatially, but miles apart emotionally. The reverse is also true, as the guy mentions. I don’t know that I ever gave thought to how that happened. I just sort of found myself either close or apart from people. Doesn’t everyone?

There’s no shortage of advice like going on regular date nights or vacations as though the physical proximity will force your hearts together. I’m sure that may be sufficient for some people but I struggle with it at times.

When I find myself beyond a certain emotional distance from a person, and my stress levels are high, my natural inclination is to retreat. It’s like I’ve found myself at the bottom of the Grand Canyon with the other person at the top and the only way up is a climbing rope. And I skipped arm and leg days. So I look for another way out.

I know that “interested is interesting” and a good rule for making connections with people, but at times I can’t think of anything to say. Or if I do it’s a one and done.

“How’s school?”
Fine.
“Great.”

And then I think of the cliché of generations of fathers that don’t know how to connect with their kids. I know I’m not one of those, but I sure don’t feel like Carl Winslow.

So now I’m making it a conscious choice to learn new ways to strengthen those connections. I’m going to do some research, watch some videos, and maybe as ChatGPT what it thinks.

Have any advice on closing the gap with the people that mean the most? Let me hear it.