advice

How To Be A Dad

Being a dad is a slightly weird. Perhaps, as I’ve spent 30 of my first 33 years being a son and not a dad, I’m just new to the process.

Sometimes I think I’m supposed to act a certain way: “dad-like.” And then I think, “nah, just be awesome to your boys, man” and that’s what I do.

Odd requests like this from kids are pretty common. I’m all like, “hey, this coffee mug isn’t a hat!?” and they’re all like, “Daddy’s silly, that’s not a hat! Mommy! Daddy’s funny!” And I’m all, “Hahaha, clearly I know this isn’t a hat – but this is!” and then I put a tube of diaper butt cream on my head.

Needless to say, my wife is incredibly proud when I do this sort of thing in public.

Kids are great.

Edit: the above was posted 5 years ago on another of blogs, so I’ve learned quite a bit more over that time. Here are a few of the highlights:

  • Sometimes, kids just need a hug when they need a hug, not when you want a hug. Those are the best hugs.
  • Being asked an infinite amount of questions is an honor (never a bother)- they think you’re that smart. Don’t hesitate to say you don’t know and then work to find the answer together.
  • Gut laughs are the best laughs. Finding a genuinely silly thread, and then pulling it just right until you get them having hiccups, that’s where it’s at.
  • Getting them to like new foods like, snow crab, steak, and lobster, is always a double-edged sword. You’re happy for broadening their horizons, but damn did you just lose half your snow crab for life.
  • They don’t say “are we there yet” as much as I would have imagined. Though they do have a DVD player, and I was lucky to have a comic book.
  • After one of your kids drops his pants and craps in your neighbor’s yard like the dog, little else will surprise you.
  • They’re going to love mom more than you. That’s more than ok, and perfectly natural. We each have roles, and I know what mine is. There’ll be a time when I’m the go-to, and I can totally wait for that moment.

 

Do you really care? Hoodie does.

Rapper, Hoodie Allen, has a rabid fan base and one he’s well earned. First, there’s the fact that the guy is just good at what he does: Creative lyrics, a fun, easy-going demeanor, and just a great overall entertainer. Needless to say, I’m a fan.

While coasting through twitter recently, I saw this:

HoodieAllen.jpg

Hoodie has over 600,000 followers on twitter. Nearly as many subscribers on his YouTube channel. Suffice it to say, he’s a busy guy. Not only are there the regular replies to his fans in comment sections and tweets and Instagram, but then he goes and sets up a help email for anyone going through a tough time? Yes.

And people love it. There are probably a thousand replies all stating essentially the same things:

hoodieHelpPraise

Right? That’s love.

And as if that wasn’t enough on its own, he inspired others to do the same.

hoodieHelp

It’s a hell of a moment when you see a celebrity use their fame and reach to positively affect the human condition. No personal gain in mind, just the awareness that people are hurting sometimes and he has the ability to be that outlet. It’s inspiring.

The takeaway? If you’re saying you “love” or “care about” your fans/customers/employees/stakeholders, etc… what are you doing to show it?

BTW, check out some Hoodie videos. The guy is ridiculous. In the good way, like you want.

Trash Talk Leaves You Dirty

Donttalkshiz

The salesperson who says you’ll get feline aids and a year of bad hair days if you live at community X is only thinking about the short term gain – which is actually illusory. Maybe you believe them, but that doesn’t mean you like their community any better. If anything, you’re naturally put off as we generally dislike people who crap all over others. What’s to say they’re not going to do the same to us the second we leave?

Build a good reputation for honesty. Tell them the reasons why you do what you do, and what you believe in as an organization. State where you’re better than X and where you’re not and trust them to see the value you’ve worked so hard to build. That’s all the difference you need to stand out.

Andy Warhol Has Advice For You…

sowhatDon’t sweat it. If something is bothering you for that long, do something about it. You don’t have to be a mess. Things happen. Roll with the punches. Glasses break. Milk spills. Pencils have erasers.
timechanges

People get used to new ideas. New ideas change things. Probably the only way time plays a part – but he’s right. Time by itself won’t change things. Unless we’re talking about a banana. Time will do just fine on that. realfakeThis one’s a problem I think all people should have. I think if you’re not constantly flirting with the idea of what’s real then you’re not pushing the membrane of reality to see how stretchy it is. There are a plethora of things people insist are real but are nothing more than constructs of habit and tradition that we do merely for lack of introspection and the willingness to look a bit weird. bizasart Being good in business requires a massive supply of self-awareness and self-honesty. I think art requires the same thing. The best comedians I’ve noticed are some of the most honest people I’ve ever seen. They see things the way they are, not as everyone would like you to see them – and they speak up. Makeart

Get the product out the door. No one cares about your book or your poem, or your picture if you never make it. I’ve worked with hundreds of good people who failed to produce even the most rudimentary of suggestion for a; flyer, form, website, sign, banner, you name it – out of fear. Crank out enough art to choke them. Something will stick.
cokesYou’re not better than anyone else. Yeah, you are. At a thing or things – but not intrinsically. Don’t fall in love with your own image or the sound of your voice so much you forget what a simple pleasure a coke can be. Stop and drink the sodas. gorevidalonandyThis is easily the greatest backhanded compliment I’ve ever seen or heard. There may be no greater source of heat in the universe than this burn. Go ahead. Put your hand to the screen. Feel that? You could cook bacon on that.

A Great Guide to Awesome Oratory

Mr. Julian Treasure does a great job in succinctly breaking down the do’s and don’ts of public speaking – and he does so in a wonderful British accent.

This is going to run you less than 10 minutes and is a must for anyone having to address an audience.

Having sat through more conferences and speeches than I can count, I’ve seen a handful of excellent speakers. The thing they all had in common were their expert use of the exact tips that Treasure provides here.

#PictureThemInTheirUnderwear?

PplDoWhtPplSee

Let’s focus this week on ourselves, and in doing so make a positive impact on our teams and those around us.

John C. Maxwell's got it going on.

John C. Maxwell’s got it going on.

John C. Maxwell is crushing it. It’s all about SERVANT BASED LEADERSHIP.

Even more easily summed up:

Don't talk just do

Drain. The. Swamp.

They can be a little distracting...

They can be a little distracting…

This has been a reoccurring theme for me lately. Why are you there? What is your mission? The sum total purpose for your existence in this place, at this time, is to do… what exactly? Some helpful questions to ask yourself periodically to help avoid alligators: 

  1. What am I doing here? Why am I in this position? To accomplish what?
  2. What am I uniquely positioned to do here that no one else can do?
  3. What efforts can I undertake to make the most progress towards my stated goal?

Anything else is lateral drift, mission-creep. Don’t get bogged down in the reptile wrestling of minor things: Office gossip, admin squabbles, paper cuts, petty territorial disputes, the opinions of people that don’t know any better and don’t ultimately matter.

Remember what your purpose is. Drain the damn swamp. Alligators attack? Try to use one hand to fight them off and keep one hand on draining that swamp – it’s why you’re there in the first place.

Good Advice?

Good Advice?

What’s funny about this, is that everyone you know would look at this and nod enthusiastically. “Truer words” and all that. But if you’ve ever dared to heed these words in real life, you’ve seen how quickly those same people excoriate you for wandering off the beaten path. The well-worn ruts of those that came before you, pointing the way to certainty of some variety, and you can’t help but look to either side for what the others missed.
Just know it’s genuinely OK, and not just bullshit OK. Take those chances, just don’t expect much support. At least not for the chances that matter.
You really will regret it missing those chances, whether you ever know it or not.

Never Let the Future…

One of my favorite quotes is from Marcus Aurelius’ book, “Meditations” – which, if you haven’t read it, please pick up a copy (the penguin version is a great translation and highly affordable).

Image

A lot going on there! Implications? 

So what do we do? Make YOU the best, most sturdy version possible. Become more patient, more trusting, more confident, more humble, more flexible, more worthwhile. 

Be the YOU that you’d like to imagine your “future” self to be. Your “weapons of reason” are your smarts and your ability to adapt. Your ability to think of new ways of looking at things. 

Go forth. Be bold, and mighty forces will rush to your aid. Shrink not from the daily scrabble of bramble brush and political quick sand. Grow large in your ability to love those around you and be confident in your ability to manifest awesomeness from your very fingertips. 

Be bold. Worry not. Awe more. You know what to do, now go do it. 

You Can Never Go Home Again…

There’s something great about that. You lived it once and that’s all you’re going to get it. God! You wish maybe you could go back and do that one thing differently and yet…

Don’t do that.

It happened. And it’s great. Or not. Doesn’t really matter at this point. It happened and that’s that.

So what’s the take away? What now?

You know that this isn’t how it ends. You know you’ve likely got (god willing) another 40-50-80 years to finish this run. How does your earlier experience influence your future behavior?

I miss old friends with the gravity of a dwarf star. Hell, I miss current friends the same. I don’t want to go through that again. I know what I want my future to look like: I want to look back and see myself reading to my kids after a LONG day. So, I read to them after a LONG day. I want to look back and see that I took the chances I needed to in order to start my own thing – because that’s what was needed to be happy. I didn’t “wait” because something was going to “happen” – whenever that is.

2002 was awesome. I’d love to spend a week there. So was 93′ and 05′ but that doesn’t mean we can live in space we already did. We have a new one of those every moment – RIGHT NOW. So what do you want your future self to say about this moment.

Would you want to go back to “right now?”