shower thoughts

It’s all a Dream?

You know how they say in your final moments your whole life flashes before your eyes? It appears then, that I’m presently dying.

The only question is if it’s the slow, inexorable march towards entropy, or like, my severed head is replaying everything that’s ever happened to me? Where is my mind? If it’s the slow train to dirt-nap city, would that be enough to cause all of this sensory feedback?

Is it all a dream? 

But seriously, I feel unstuck in time, like Billy Pilgrim in Slaughterhouse Five; existing everywhere, and when, at once. I can feel the cushioning of my untied Nike Cortez ’72’s from 2001, and the spring of the concrete pads of the stairs in my apartment breezeway, and how they sang as I bounced down them on my walk to the office, where I worked.

vonnegut-1

Kurt Vonnegut wrote a book called “Breakfast of Champions” which is why this is ridiculous and great.

The way my hands looked on my balcony in ’99 when I stared at them trying to see what they looked like, via the memory of my 84-year-old self. The grips on my bike in fifth grade, tooling around the apartment community where I lived in Sarasota.

The feel of running behind my Tonka truck at age 4, and the subsequent rug burn that came with sliding on my knees behind it. The smell of the latrine at camp in ’91 and how I never wanted to be within 100 yards of it. 1995, the newspaper ink on the tread of my right hand, crossword puzzle being blackened like Prince William Sound.

I recently had the overwhelming compulsion to purchase this guy, for some inexplicable reason. It was my most prized possession when I was 7 years old. Thanks to Ebay, and $11.25 via Paypal, it was mine again.

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People have pointed out the resemblance. Penny for scale.

They were a series of toys called M.U.S.C.L.E. MEN, that came in little opaque trash cans and featured, hard rubber wrestlers, mutants, and stuff. The whole series ran about 140 of them and this guy was the rarest – likely on the account that he was the announcer and who the hell wanted the announcer?  Seven year olds, apparently, were not without a sense of scarcity-value.

But why did I think of it now? A sense of my own mortality in the face of the sea of dead celebrities? It certainly wasn’t to buy back my youth, I can tell you that. Cause they don’t sell that on Ebay – not that I looked.

I don’t know. Am I dreaming? Am I having a Jacob’s Ladder situation where I’ve actually been shivved for my little guy here, and in my last moments I’m imagining all of this? If so, bravo 7-year-old-Rob. You have quite the imagination.

Maybe it’s the holidays? The end of every year finds me with an insatiable hankering for creative expression, it seems. This year, I’m thinking of a retrospective through all of letters from friends from high school. I still have hundreds of them, in date order from everyone I corresponded with. I don’t know of anyone else that still has that stuff, but I think it could make for a cool project. Maybe I’m just a solipsistic pile of shit?

Maybe I need the project to distract me from the fact that I’m already dead? or “already dead”, in the respect that I’m aware that I’m a finite creature that is aware that we only have so much time left in this crazy world?

They don’t understand. What’s the master plan? …Yes my man, I’m true to that.

It could be the hallmark of the first introspection I’ve allowed myself to have in a while. I haven’t wanted anything in sometime. Not really, anyway. Not outside the superficial wants I think we perpetuate just to continue to feel human. Perhaps I bought that Kinnikuman figure because I should want it? Right?

I think when we want stuff, like really want it, we’re blinded to everything else around us until we get it. And then, when we get it? What then? You think Leo is made whole at the end of Gangs of NY? I don’t. I think Bill realizes the futility as well, which is why he declines to put another hole in him; which is why he holds his hand as he fades to black. It’s all over with.

Am I all over with? Hardly, unless I really am laying somewhere with my head in a gutter. If your head gets severed, they don’t tend to do open-casket, do they? Even with aid of a turtleneck?

extinction

Maybe time is a flat circle, heh, Rust Cohle? Maybe the detailed rememberings of simple and uneventful things is something everyone experiences from time to time? Maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all.

What I am sure of is that I’m definitely dying, as are you. I just don’t know if I’m doing my best impression of Usain Bolt, or Stephen Hawking as I beg Lachesis for a hefty pull.

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School Shootings about Loneliness? Can We Help?

I recall hearing ages ago that rape isn’t about sex, it’s about power. At first it seems counter-intuitive, but then quickly makes sense. The horrible people committing these acts are attempting to gain something they lack – power.

Simon Sinek (Who I’ve written about often) says in the clip below that school shootings are a new endeavor (16 years since Columbine) that are based entirely on loneliness. And that necessarily, our new technologically connected society is helping to create that sense of loneliness.

The true irony of the connected age: It’s never been easier to connect with anyone in the world and yet it’s never been more difficult to connect with your neighbor. 

I don’t know if you’re old enough to recall Columbine, but in the immediate aftermath the media blamed just about anything not nailed down: Marilyn Manson, violent video games, violent movies, the list goes on. Given the fact nothing like that had happened before, SOMETHING had to be responsible. That same fall I’d started a psychology class in Gainesville and we must have debated the cause for a week and I don’t recall anyone ever blaming loneliness. To hear it now, it seems equal parts obvious and ground breaking – a paradox wrapped up in a centuries-old stone tablet.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fundamentals of why things work the way they do, and why organizations are the way they are. Inevitably, these thoughts take me back to the very heart of what motivates individual human beings: Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

maslows-hierarchy-of-needs

After we’ve covered the basics for survival (the first two tiers) we get immediately to belonging. Sinek’s supposition is that each of these shooters are missing this basic component in their lives, and that if we, as leaders, would make it our mission to help give people a sense of belonging, we could do a lot to limit the instances of these shootings.

Honestly, out of all of the years of speculation I’ve heard on the matter, it makes the most sense to me. The next question becomes, how do you do that? What’s that look like in practice? What’s that look like in the work place? In our communities? Is it even possible in modern communities? Do we, as Student Housing providers, have a responsibility to help connect our Residents to one another – to REALLY make that passionate aspect of our operations and not just say we’re covering that by throwing pool parties every other month?

I don’t know the answers to any of these but I have some thoughts.

Check out Sinek’s theory in the clip below and if you have any ideas about creating a sense of belonging in our schools or our communities, let me know in the comments.