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Hurt People, Hurt People: Oscar’s Edition

Last night, at the 2022 Oscars, Will Smith overreacted to an admittedly lame and toothless joke from presenter, Chris Rock, and nothing has made sense since.

I was watching this happen with my youngest son who loves Will Smith. LOVES. We’ve seen the MIB trilogy multiple times, iRobot, hell, even Wild Wild West. He thinks he’s the coolest. I’ve been a fan since Parent’s Just Don’t Understand and I still think he’s an exceptional human being.

And then he lost his shit in front of the world over a dated joke and assaulted someone. At first, we thought it was a scripted bit when the audio cut but then we read his lips as he urged Rock to keep his wife’s name out of his mouth. It was clear this wasn’t a bit. What the hell?

Why?

I think Will Smith was cooking for a while before we got to that moment. I don’t think it was this joke that did it and I don’t think it was Rock he really wanted to slap.

Earlier in the evening, there was a joke about Will & Jada’s open relationship (see below) and I think that got him stewing.

It’s a throw-away line and they appear to take it well but if you saw the Red Table Talk where Jada destroys Will, in the most public way possible, you know it’s a raw nerve.

Tell me this isn’t the most hurt human being you’ve ever seen.

From watching this video this much is clear: Will Smith loves Jada far more than Jada loves Will. Will knows it and has had a choice to make; stay and experience that loss repeatedly or leave and lose the love of his life for good.

I think Will Smith is a guy who doesn’t like losing. I think he can’t accept the fact that he lost her, possibly through no explicit fault of his own. Unwilling to accept that and move on he’s living in a halfway existence where he can fool himself into thinking things are ok until he remembers that he’s pretty far from ok.

And this brings me to the title of the piece. I think it’s evident from his acceptance speech moments later that Will Smith is in a lot of pain. We can’t know the full nature or extent of that pain but I think it’s safe to say at least some of it is tied to his relationship with his wife. This is a guy who is going through a lot and I don’t think it had anything to do with Rock, the joke, or even winning the Oscar.

Hurt people, hurt people. We saw Will have a human moment and do something hurtful to someone that meant him no harm. If we’re honest with ourselves we’ve been there, too. Maybe not slapping someone, but certainly doing something hurtful to people who didn’t deserve it because we couldn’t cope with the pain we were experiencing.

How it ended.

Everyone in the audience desperately wanted to forgive Smith. As social animals, we’re eager to reestablish the status quo. However, to do that we need an apology. We need the person to acknowledge their transgression and perhaps offer an ounce of explanation for why they did what they did. Will didn’t do that.

Instead, he attempted to offer an explanation about “protecting” people and how somehow this action was tied to the role for which he was nominated as though it was perhaps some “method” exercise. He could tell halfway through that the audience wasn’t having it. He manages to remember where he is and what’s happening and apologizes to the Academy, though not Rock. It was something of an apology and repaired some of the damage but it wasn’t what we were hoping for.

I told my son that Will screwed up and that a quick apology is the best course of action. Admit what you did was wrong. Seek to repair the relationship quickly. Take time afterward to examine how you got there. With that advice in mind, I’ll offer what I would have said if I had walked up and slapped a grown man in front of the world.

“I’d like to apologize to everyone and especially to Chris Rock for my actions a few minutes ago. To anyone who knows me, that wasn’t me at all. I don’t know entirely why I did it and I’m ashamed and embarrassed. I’m going through a lot right now and I don’t know what else to say except that I’m sorry. Thanks to everyone that helped me win this award… yada yada yada.”

Some have pointed out that Rock’s joke was a cheap shot at a woman who has Alopecia, and thus, should have been out of bounds. I don’t know that that information was widespread public knowledge but if it was known, it was a bridge too far. Further, it was a bad joke in general and Chris admits as much. I also heard Rock made a joke at the 2016 Oscars which may have already established a bit of animosity between the couple and Rock. Fair enough, though both feel like reaching to help justify Will’s actions here. We can still love and respect Will Smith while acknowledging that he screwed up, twice. I hope he patches things up with Rock and gets to a better place soon.

Finally, the academy says violence is never tolerated and their code of conduct shouldn’t have allowed Smith to stay in the building. There’s a push by some to see Smith stripped of his Oscar. That would be a terrible tragedy though it may be the right thing to do. I think if Smith had offered a heartfelt apology at the start of his speech instead of searching for a narrative that would justify his actions the likelihood of losing his Oscar would be minuscule. However, given how things ended I don’t know what happens next.

What do you think? Should Smith be stripped of his Oscar or Academy membership for assaulting Chris Rock?

When you think you know what you’re looking for.

In this undated video (probably 2008), Best Selling Author Malcolm Gladwell explains how we have a fundamental mismatch problem in how we assess which people will be successful in a given field. He starts with the differences between NBA scouting combine results and how players actually wind up fairing in the league and then goes on to point out all sorts of other gaps as only Gladwell can

The whole talk is fantastic as Gladwell may be the greatest storyteller of our time. I could listen to the man read a Swahili phone book and I would swear it was Les Miserables.

Gladwell’s point here is that we absolutely suck when it comes to using criteria that will give us a meaningful incite to the how well a person will perform in a given role. For Teachers, we require all manner of certificates only to find these have virtually no impact on the actual performance of the teacher. Job interviews are generally only good for finding out if you’re attracted to someone, it turns out. Or perhaps they’re only useful for discovering if someone is very good in social interaction, but for all sorts of other jobs, how well one does in an interview translates poorly to the ultimate role they’ll have should they be hired.

Around ten years ago we had a major issue in a tough market where our newest Community Managers were getting their clocks cleaned. Their teams couldn’t sell to save their lives, and these new Managers were grossly incapable of teaching them how to sell as they’d never done it before themselves. How did this happen?

It turns out that we’d been promoting “Rental Managers” aka “Assistant Community Managers” who were responsible for collecting rent, running reports, and that’s about it. They avoided sales related work like it had two types of the plague. So, of course, when they got promoted to their own ship they had no idea how to hire for sales ability or how to teach it.

Why would we do this? Because the people in charge of minting the new Community Managers were people who lived in glass offices and who dealt a lot with reports. Guess who typically had great reports? Rental Managers. They were two peas in a pod. Of course, the Brass new that sales mattered, but they overlooked this factor when hiring because they liked the cut of the RM’s jib. They could see a bit of themselves in these up-and-comers, and did you see how clean their reports were? Plus they tended to LOOK like Community Managers.

The most vital component in a Community Manager at the time (in the toughest student rental market in the country) was the ability to rent units, the ability to hire people who could do likewise, and the ability to train the uninitiated on their team. And here we were hiring without any real regard for that fact. The people we should have been promoting to these roles were our best salespeople who lacked any of the care or ability for the paperwork reporting. That’s a relatively easy problem to solve – at least far easier than a whole team at a community that can’t sell ice water at noon in Phoenix.

Maybe the answer would have been to split the job into equal halves; give two nearby communities to a pair of Managers. One would be in charge of the sales and training for each while the other handled the books and reporting. The two would compliment one another and with any luck, some of their skills would rub off on each other. Maybe an Area Manager would have been the way to go, with a couple of executive salespeople put in place to cover the selling and training. There’s any number of solutions, but we were wildly wrong on our criteria for assessing a simple promotion and it cost us big.

I’m sure this mismatch is all too common for you as well. How many times have you experienced one in your life, where you or your organization made decisions on things by assessing criteria that mattered not a bit in determining the outcome or the best course of action? What blinded you? How did you eventually see past it, or have you?

“Rich people exploit, poor people are exploited”

Howpeoplegetrich

Honestly, I hate this graphic. Not based on its artistic merit, but because of what the repercussions mean for those that buy into the message.

If one agrees with the graphic, one must necessarily agree with the following, more than likely, unconsciously:

  1. Being wealthy is either immoral, or purely the product of luck.
  2. Since wealth is obtained by either of these means, we’re completely justified in expropriating said wealth, and distributing in a way we prefer – either as punishment for immoral wrongdoing, or to adjust for fate.
  3. I wasn’t born to wealthy parents, therefore the only avenue available for me to enrich myself is by immoral means, which I’m not going to do.
  4. My actions are immaterial since I’ll never be wealthy anyway. I am exploited and acted upon by outside forces which deny me my fair share.
  5. People who have achieved, earned, received more, were fortunate, and anyone could be fortunate. Those with more don’t deserve what they have.

These ideas are poisonous. 

In a free market, the forces of supply and demand are well understood, though seldom reflected upon when talking about the labor of people. Perhaps, because we can easily get emotional about a public school teacher making $35k a year, while raising two kids on her own, but it’s harder to feel that way about the price point of a blender.

Nearly half of the millionaires in this country are business owners, and they have risked mightily to start and sustain their businesses, while employing the majority of people in the US. Eighty percent of Americans with a net worth of north of one million dollars are first generation affluent. From The Millionaire Next Door:

“As a group, we are fairly well educated. Only about one in five are not college graduates. Many of us hold advanced degrees. Eighteen percent have master’s degrees, 8 percent law degrees, 6 percent medical degrees, and 6 percent Ph.D.s”

Hard work, doesn’t count for much, because hard work is in abundant supply. You don’t get a cookie for breaking your butt stocking the shelves at CostCo. Working at CostCo is what you get for playing it safe. For failing to procure an education for yourself that has value. For failing to see the world in such a light that you can provide a greater value than the next person. And CostCo pays little, because there are millions of people capable of doing that job with no training.

It’s also the same reason Lebron James NBA salary this year tops $30 million. There’s only one of him, and there’s more than 4 million people in retail, earning an average of $25k per year.

That sucks. I’m sorry. I know. I worked a ton of odd jobs in early adulthood, and a ton of manual labor. I get it. But believing the lie in the graphic above isn’t going to help you. It’s not going to add a dollar to your pocket, but it will keep more dollars from finding you.

Every moment you tell yourself one of the things listed above, is a moment you’re not telling yourself that you can have whatever you want, as long as you want it bad enough. Losers play the wall. They shy from engaging in actions that can meaningfully improve their financial situation. Playing it safe, and making $40k a year is fine, as long as that’s what you want. But if you want more?

Scarcity value, is where the real money’s at. If you have, and develop, a set of skills that will make your work more valuable, because your work is more rare, congrats – you’re going to be wealthy.  If you think a college degree alone is the ticket, you’re in for a real jolt.

Becoming a: welding apprentice, plumber, window setter, or contractor, are all easy (ha!) ways to become a millionaire in a few decades. But as the Wizard of Menlo Park said:

Opportunity.jpg

Eric Thomas does a great job of communicating a better mindset in this video from 2012. He makes the point in the first minute of this video, so don’t be scared away by the running time. You’re going to love it.

“Some of you want sleep more than you want success.” And that’s the truth. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But don’t be hypocritical about it.

I could stand to lose 25-30 pounds. Having a shorter, endomorphic body type, of hearty German and Irish ancestry, with a deep rooted love of potatoes and pizza, keeping weight off for me is a real chore. Meanwhile, my friend can eat  whatever he likes and can’t gain a pound.

That monster. I should shove his thin-privilege in his face like so much delicious hickory smoked bacon… mmmmm, bacon….but I digress.

I could bitch and moan about how it’s not fair that he doesn’t have to work hard to be thin. I could dwell on how I wish the government would take away choices from me, so there was a greater chance I wouldn’t purchase sugary drinks. I can put my place in the world on everyone and everything else, but that doesn’t drop a single pound off this frame. That doesn’t change my situation in any way.

Likewise, people preaching “Rich people are lucky or immoral” are the leper’s bell. They’re not focused on success, they’re making excuses for their failure, before they’ve even failed. All the while, it takes the typical millionaire 32 years to get there.

If you don’t want to be a millionaire, fine. But stop lying to yourself about why you are where you are, and why the guy who’s taking four cruises a year is where he is. You could get there, in your own fashion, but it’s easier to upvote the distraction – the gewgaw that tells you you’re a good person, and those with more are bad or merely just lucky.

Try instead, to tell yourself these five things:

  1. I can likely have whatever I want, as long as I’m willing to be proactive in my pursuit of it.
  2. I understand success, of the uncommon variety, requires substantial risk, sacrifice, and deferred gratification.
  3. My future success means more to me than my immediate comfort and hobbies.
  4. I can set myself apart, and increase my earning power by learning new skills, and marketing myself.
  5. My path is my path, and focusing on those more or less successful has no impact on my path, it only distracts.

Or, agree with the graphic at the top. Let the siren song of abandoned responsibility wash over you and take you lovingly into the rocks of being poor and bitter.

Ultimately, it doesn’t alter my path. I offer this merely as a warning to those that I care about that could be lulled into the rocks of a terrible outlook on life – one that sacrifices their initiative at an altar of blame.

Apartment Video Maintenance Tips, Made Easy

I hate when things break around the house. Having bought my first one three years ago, I’ve often found myself in the position of trying to figure out how to repair various issues on the fly. With YouTube as the Time Life books of our generation, there haven’t been many things I’ve needed to call someone for.

A light bulb came on: quick access, to short videos about common maintenance issues, would be wildly helpful to our Residents. Housing college students means that necessarily a good number of them have never; done their own laundry, run a dishwasher, or unclogged a toilet. A website that explains how to do it themselves is a non-starter. Ditto for a manual or handbook. For Millennials, video is king. Even better, every one of them come with a mobile video player permanently affixed to their hand. How do you leverage that?

We worked on a series of videos with important questions in mind: What’s the vital information we’d want someone to know in a moment when they need it most? What are the types of calls we get all the time that take seconds to fix? Resetting a breaker, a GFI, unclogging a toilet, resetting a garbage disposal – all the easy stuff that a Resident could do themselves in seconds, if they only knew how.

Important to the project was making sure we didn’t make each video too long, or make it complicated in any way. A three minute run-time would kill our click-through rate. Most of our videos are 20 seconds or less and specialized to whatever you’re looking for in the moment.

Knight Circle's new magnetic QR code/short URL sheet for fast video maintenance tips.

Knight Circle’s new magnetic QR code/short URL sheet for fast video maintenance tips.

You can either scan the QR code with your phone or type in the short URL for each area of the apartment, and then you’ll get a playlist of videos to choose from on our YouTube page. At first, we toyed with the idea of stickers on each appliance or area of the home with a quick link to a video specific to that item, but this quickly proved unwieldy. We settled on a 6″x9″ magnet that could be placed on the fridge in each unit – an area where it’s likely to survive and be ever-present in our Residents lives, but not intrusive.

Starting this August, we’ll be placing them on each Fridge as we complete our final inspection walks prior to move-in and dropping some info to look out for them with our new move-in email.

Our mission states that we seek to simplify the complicated and we think this is a huge step in that direction. By allowing our Residents to quickly learn easy lessons about apartment maintenance, and by relieving the work load for our Technicians and CAs, we can free up time better suited to proactive items that really deliver value.